I’m Sorry Doesn’t Mean I’m Wrong

May 5, 2014

Breaking down of a marriage - Poor communication

For a lot of people it’s very difficult to say “I’m sorry”, in fact almost as tough to say as “I love you”. Either statement is a result of putting yourself out there, raw, naked and vulnerable. And for most of us that means weak.

Saying “I’m sorry” also means for some people, “I was wrong”. And that equation leaves us running in the other direction rather than succumb to this idea. Why? Because admitting to being wrong means that the other person was right. And if they are right then we have lost the “battle”. Ugh! What a prison that can be.

A Course in Miracles asks the question, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” Now, while most people I ask that question to say they want to be both, it just can’t be done. There is no way to be right and happy at the same time. Ok, for a minute or so you think you’re happy but then a whole lot of other things, guilt being one of them crop up and we end up in an unending loop of bad feelings, striving to be right over and over and in the end not feeling good about ourselves – which is what we were looking for in the first place when we wanted to be right.

So what is the point of saying, “I’m sorry? It is an acknowledgement of someone else’s pain. We aren’t responsible for creating someone else’s pain but we can show our compassion by apologizing if we’ve done something to remind them of it. It means, “I’m sorry that what I said or did brought up that pain for you.”

It’s an admission that the way in which we said or did something or the energy with which we did it and the way it was received was not our intention. Saying “I’m sorry” let’s the other person know that we had loving intentions that somewhere went awry.

It’s never about being right or wrong really. It’s about feeling good about ourselves. We can take the misguided route that says being right makes us feel better about ourselves or we can follow our heart which tells us that an apology will go a long way to softening the moment and the other person so that a conversation can follow that will make it possible for each person to feel safe enough to share their vulnerability and find resolution.

Love may mean you never have to say you’re sorry but it sure does create a much more loving environment for everyone involved.

It’s not about guilt, it’s about compassion. Guilt comes from ego and compassion comes from Source. Where do you want to live from?

With love and kindness

Bettina

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