real men

How to Get Real

April 9, 2015

Get Real

Being a man isn’t about putting up a brave front. Nor is it about being able to cry. It’s about being real – letting yourself be whatever your gut tells you to be in any given moment. There are no rules for being a man other than being authentic.

But what does that mean? Be yourself, get real, be authentic. We hear this all the time these days and yet how many of us really know how to be it. It’s actually a lot simpler than we think.

There are two sides to each of us – the ego and Loving Presence.

The ego belongs to the very human side of us and does not look after our best interests. It puts on airs, pretends to be whatever we think others want us to be and, if we listen to it, will keep us in a perpetual state of suffering. It promises peace, love and happiness in all the things that don’t contain it. In fact, it promises what it can’t deliver. It speaks first, loudest and is always wrong.

And yet if we wait and listen carefully, beyond the screaming of the ego, we will hear the sweet whisper of Loving Presence, our true self, the foundation of who we are. It is the voice of Love that quietly reminds you where to look for all that you desire. It leads you to the abundance of love, peace, kindness, understanding, wisdom, grace and ultimately an amazing feeling of contentment. And it is from this place that you speak and act truly authentically.

The concept is simple, yes, but it isn’t always easy to live from that place. It takes practice, awareness, honesty and a willingness to sit in the stillness where Loving Presence can be heard, a place I call The Gap. And you can find that Gap in any situation with just a breath. It can be done with practice and the desire to let go of the suffering that is offered by the ego and embrace the peace of your true self.

If I stood before you with a beautiful jewel or a hot burning coal, which would you choose to hold in your hand? Loving Presence offers you the beauty of the jewel. Ego offers the pain of a burning coal. And yet time after time we choose the hot coal and then wonder why we are in pain.

It takes great courage to stand in the stillness and choose love. It requires a strength that we are all capable of finding within us to choose to be authentic, a human manifestation of your true Divine self.

Find out more about learning how to do this in your life by attending my upcoming Free Seminar – How Awareness Can Change Your Life

With love and kindness
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Breaking down of a marriage - Poor communication

For a lot of people it’s very difficult to say “I’m sorry”, in fact almost as tough to say as “I love you”. Either statement is a result of putting yourself out there, raw, naked and vulnerable. And for most of us that means weak.

Saying “I’m sorry” also means for some people, “I was wrong”. And that equation leaves us running in the other direction rather than succumb to this idea. Why? Because admitting to being wrong means that the other person was right. And if they are right then we have lost the “battle”. Ugh! What a prison that can be.

A Course in Miracles asks the question, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” Now, while most people I ask that question to say they want to be both, it just can’t be done. There is no way to be right and happy at the same time. Ok, for a minute or so you think you’re happy but then a whole lot of other things, guilt being one of them crop up and we end up in an unending loop of bad feelings, striving to be right over and over and in the end not feeling good about ourselves – which is what we were looking for in the first place when we wanted to be right.

So what is the point of saying, “I’m sorry? It is an acknowledgement of someone else’s pain. We aren’t responsible for creating someone else’s pain but we can show our compassion by apologizing if we’ve done something to remind them of it. It means, “I’m sorry that what I said or did brought up that pain for you.”

It’s an admission that the way in which we said or did something or the energy with which we did it and the way it was received was not our intention. Saying “I’m sorry” let’s the other person know that we had loving intentions that somewhere went awry.

It’s never about being right or wrong really. It’s about feeling good about ourselves. We can take the misguided route that says being right makes us feel better about ourselves or we can follow our heart which tells us that an apology will go a long way to softening the moment and the other person so that a conversation can follow that will make it possible for each person to feel safe enough to share their vulnerability and find resolution.

Love may mean you never have to say you’re sorry but it sure does create a much more loving environment for everyone involved.

It’s not about guilt, it’s about compassion. Guilt comes from ego and compassion comes from Source. Where do you want to live from?

With love and kindness

Bettina

Manwithheart

When someone puts the words heart-centered and men in the same sentence there may be a little bit or a lot of fear that comes up for men. After all, that heart, mushy, lovey stuff is really a woman’s territory and any man who enters may be looked upon as a sissy.

I’m here to tell you that isn’t the case. That it’s possible to live from your heart and still be a sports-loving, beer drinking, weight-lifting man’s man. Who knew?

Here are a few myths about men living a heart-centered life that I’d like to dispel:

  1. “I have to give up my successful career and go teach yoga or something”.

    A common misconception about letting go of driving ambition and stress is that you must give up a successful career and settle for something a little more meditative. Not so. You can still have a high-powered job and actually approach it from a much more meaningful, purposeful place. Let go of the feeling of being driven and embrace the passion of what you’re doing, accept what is in front of you and allow yourself to feel empowered from within. Let it be less about the pay cheque and more about your passion for what you do. Letting go of the need to succeed and just enjoying the ride can help you to let go of stress and enjoy your work.
    If you don’t feel inspired or you don’t feel appreciated, then maybe it’s time to reassess, not the job that you have but how you show up for it every day.

  2. “People will see me as a sissy or more like a woman”.

    Living from the heart does not make you more feminine, soft or a wuss. In fact there are some very strong, masculine men who live in a state of loving presence and are admired and revered as great men because of their ability to connect with their heart. They inspire many men while not being afraid to express their vulnerability or to be completely honest and open about how they feel. Make no mistake, you will still be a strong and powerful man. But what you do give up is the force, control and push behind your words and actions. Characteristics that build resentment and disempowerment in others. Your power comes from within accompanied by a knowing that inspires and motivates other to feel empowered and that makes you a real man who is looked to for guidance and with respect.

  3. “I have to give up everything I have and live with very little.”

    It’s not about what you have that but more about your attachment to what you have to give you a feeling of fulfillment, power, success or peace. You can feel all those things whether you have nothing or have it all. Heart-centered living means you put it all into perspective and don’t put too much weight on what you have and more on how you feel. And that makes life a whole lot easier. Using people, places or things to fill a void in your life causes neediness and desperation and neither of these traits are particularly attractive or manly, nor do they evoke strength of character or respect for yourself or from others. Keep the stuff and let go of the idea that it’s making you happy.

  4. “I have to give up all the manly things I do like sports, nights out with the guys, drinking and smoking.”

    Okay, so smoking isn’t really very good for you so you may consider giving that one up, but there is no reason why you can’t live from your heart and still enjoy the more masculine experiences that life has to offer. Have fun, enjoy yourself, lift that heavy object for your mate, play a little football whether on the field or from your couch. Get together with your buddies and enjoy life. But do it with respect, compassion and a healthy portion of moderation. It’s when these activities are taken to extremes and hurt you or someone you love that you may need to take a good hard look and question what you may be running from or avoiding. What lack are you trying to fill? Pay attention to the payoff you are seeking in these extremes. Are you avoiding looking at uncomfortable feelings that scare you? Check in with yourself honestly and shift from self-destruction to self-realization. Bring yourself to the present moment, be responsible and have a good time.

  5. “I have to give up my masculinity.”

    Real men live from the heart, practice compassion, tolerance, acceptance, kindness, tap into their inner wise man, their ability to inspire, motivate, empower and their self-respect. And that is more masculine than anything else.

Go ahead. Tap into your heart. Make the connection between head and heart and really see and feel your full potential. There’s nothing more masculine than standing in your power.